It’s around 12am the night after Christmas and realize how disconnected I am from my blog. My computer stopped working a couple weeks ago and I kind of just said, “to hell with it!”. I absolutely hate updating my blog via iPhone because my words get jumbled with spelling errors so forgive me now.
It’s Christmas. A whole year has already gone by. On Sunday, I will have 5 months sober and then it’s already the new year! Holy smokes time sure does fly by.
I have had so many experiences this year that have completely changed my life. I live from a place of gratitude these days and I live from a place of content. I no longer feel the need to wish things were different, wish people were different and wish my life would have gone a better route. I no longer feel the need to lose weight…I’ve almost grown out of this blog and sometimes want to start fresh with a different point of view. It’s funny how the moment we stop suffocating the need to be different, change actually occurs. We strangle people into trying to be people they are not, relationships they are not…we try so damn hard to find the perfect diet, we spend hours in a gym trying to emphasis the person we want to become, or the person we think we are.
Life will hand us so much,
A lot of it we truly cannot control.
All we can do is be our true authentic selves.
All we should do is embrace our passion, and if we don’t know what that is yet, we should make effort to discover it. We need to dive into our fears of all forms, experience things outside our comfort zone and be more open minded. The one thing I am working on most currently is the ability to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable for me is possibly one of the hardest things to do because I have crazy abandonment issues. I fear pain and if I can control feeling it, I do. But without vulnerability we aren’t really being authentic, we are lying to ourselves and to others by walking around with walls all around us.
Another thing is that a year ago I never thought my happy medium would be that I am a sober pescatarian that believes in running and yoga over all other forms. Sure I do more than that, but my mind used to think giving up meat was stupid, and quitting alcohol forever was unrealistic. A year ago I realize I was a lot more closed-minded. I didn’t share my real feelings, I clung to diet pills, and my self image was plummeted and all I had was this blog to show accountability to change.
Well I’ve changed alright…and I never want to go back. All I want from life is the ability to actually live it, fully. I want to face my soon-to-be challenges with grace, and once I get through that I want a BIGGER game plan. I want to really do something different and possibly get out of this country…but all shall be revealed in time:) life changes so fast…and this past year has taught me that I can handle a whole lot more…but now, with grace.
