I’m such a slacker! Where have I been hiding? This is easy…I’ve been hiding in my head. I have been having moments lately where I either fall asleep crying…or I’m having the most intense nightmares I’ve ever had in my life, which turns to me waking up in tears….putting myself together and heading to work and being happy while occupied…then possibly heading to a meeting…and working out…and then I find myself in some positions, like right now, restless, with a weird combination of too much on my mind…then to being absolutely BLANK—detached…defeated. I lay here clicking through blogs, Facebook, Instagram photos, without anything on my mind…just a straight social media coma of nothingness. I lay here telling myself I need to work on my blog but the thought of thinking exhausts me. The thought of even taking a shower sounded exhausting.
And after all the lack of productivity, I’m here now. Here.
It’s weird that I can be so outside of myself, so un-present, when only a few hours ago I was having so much fun with a friend talking about everything and water-tubing in the sunshine. It’s as though the second I am alone, I feel completely alone…I feel like I have nothing going right.
Hi is that you depression? I can’t even tell anymore. Some of you may not even know what the hell I’m talking about but for those of you who read between the lines, I am struggling. I try to be the best that I can, day in and day out, and other times I throw my hands in the air and feel like I’m in this helpless little box. Helpless little box called my life.
Someday I will look back and share with you the whole story. I will help others and I will lift people higher than just a level of fitness or whatever the hell reason I started this blog, and I will help people become better overall. I am fighting through the trenches of my own story and we would be in the “conflict” stage right now.
I know that once the conflict stage ends in every movie I watch, growth happens. Miracles happen. The dreams you put on the backburner with fear suddenly become reality. I will find that peace at the end of this tunnel. Right now everything in my life is lacking astonishment. But when this is all over, I assure you I will be even more fierce with my dreams.
This post was random, but I’m working on a little treat for tomorrow or the day after, interviewing miss Allie Conover! You must come back and read about her, she is fantastic!
