Today I’m choosing to pick myself up.
Many, many missed phone calls and texts later, I decided to finally put some makeup on and see people in person and call them back.
I started to make some other first steps of this long journey ahead of me.
I started to eat and drink water, and take my vitamins.
Slowly but surely I will get back into things. I will try not to give up. I know that would be stupid to turn my mistake/accident into a full-blown tragedy.
There are certain people that always seem to be there for me. I am forever grateful for the unconditional love. I have dealt with so many “conditional” people in my life. They look at any fall that I make as something that they need to judge and compare to their own life. I’ve seen this so many times so it makes it hard to trust people. If someone ever gets upset at how someone else succeeds or fails at their own life, that makes things fake. When one person points the finger at another, there are still 3 fingers pointing back at you.
I am at a point in my life where all I have is myself. All I can do is what I already do and try to spread the message to all of you. No matter what I go through, I will blog about it, I will blog about healthy eating habits, new exercises that I love, my joy for yoga or running, and if I happen to fall…you can know about that too.
Part of blogging is being real.
That is one thing that I will always be, because I could care less about what others would ever think of me. I have so much self-guilt when I go through tough situations that I could almost care less about what anyone else thinks because I have enough punishment already going on in my own head. I’ve always been this way. Probably from growing up with an abusive mother, I learn to keep my mouth shut and hold it inside. I know that is unhealthy…I’m working through it.
But as my lawyer says to me: “Everybody messes up. Everyone makes mistakes….you just happen to get caught, it doesn’t make you any less than anyone else, it just means that you have some shit to get through, but you will one day see the light that this may be a blessing”
I will continue to be healthy as much as I possibly can.
You can now follow me on this blog as a crazy running, yoga addict that is currently meatless and on some weirdo plant based diet…and is also now sober:) I refuse to drink ever again. Now lets see if I can live up to this promise…
i will let my faith be greater than my fear.
