“Whenever you feel hopeless, all you need to do is go outside and realize that you have been molded into human form for some reason. You are somewhere you may never be again. Your actions, no matter how inconsequential you think they may be, are essential.” — Brianna Wiest, The Truth About Everything
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I’m laying in bed and it’s 12am. I can’t sleep. I don’t know why this happens so often but I’m assuming it’s because of all the technology I’m completely addicted to surrounding my bedside. The last 3 months in jail really showed me how relaxed I was without the constant text messages and social media accounts. It’s constantly there…flashing on my screen, calling my name, asking me to be addicted to sharing my small life with you. So this is me giving in. You’re welcome!
I’m going on almost a week of being out and I am filled with mixed emotions. Gratitude of course is number one….but then there is something else…you know that feeling you get when you finally have nothing holding you back and the world is your oyster? Well that’s how I feel except that now I feel this anxiety that I’m not doing enough right now. I know it’s been a week and I shouldn’t be hard on myself but it’s kind of what’s been festering inside me…
The fact that I was in there for 3 whole months and came out of it without a real “plan”. You know is silly Americans needing our stupid plans to make us feel important and relevant to society. Sure I have a lot to look forward to this year and I shouldn’t worry but I find myself feeling like a dog locked up in a cage for so long and once it’s finally released its sort of just out of control running in circles…to run, just to run, hmm….
So I made the decision to get outside today. Do what makes me full and for the day, my anxiety went away and I feel that free feeling again. Nothing cures problems the way being in nature does. My brother and I got hammocks the end of summer because we have this great idea of just hammock camping everywhere! Best purchase this year by the way! We were going to set them up close near home but I woke up with the itch to be in the mountains so before we knew it I was heading north and on our way. The fog was thick but once we got out of the city the sky opened up and Heather Lake was amazing!
Going outside teaches me to be still. I have been on a rather long journey…first a silent struggle but now a heart-opening, blunt, honest soul-journey that I’m trying to be more open to sharing on here. I can’t believe how superficial this blog started out and now we’re here…talking about fears and jail and life on life’s terms; rather than the squeaky clean version of what I want you to think I live my life. I will try to blog more, being inside made me rekindle my love for journaling and blogging:) cheers to everyone’s week! Go outside! Ooohhhhh and please “like” my new FB page for this blog! I finally got it up:
https://www.facebook.com/tiareexplores
